Words by Theo Cane Garvey
There is defiantly something very special about this movie, not only is it an amazing example of low budget independent European splatter horror, but it is also the very first (of hopefully many) films that we have had generously sent to us to review here on Slime House TV!
Because of this… You can imagine how excited I was when the parcel arrived at our office sent personally to me by the films co-director Crippler Criss all the way from fucki’n Germany!!!
Just a little about the package first of all, I am a HUGE fan of physical media, I am not only an obsessive collector of all things awesome, but in these days of Netflix and Amazon Prime and an erray of other illegal streaming sights It seems ACTUAL DVD’S are slowly becoming a thing of the past, and to me, this is a DAMN SHAME so I always appreciate a good old DVD!
The double disk package is CRAMMED with special features and extras, and it also came complete with cool stickers, that being a sticker-bomb addict, I really appreciated.
So before I get into any kind of review, I firstly gotta shout out Crippler Criss, for reaching out and for sending me another sick DVD to add to my ever growing collection (I got like 1,500 of them now and that was after I got rid of about 500 generic films earlier this year, you see I am trying to keep the DVD shelfs PURELY genre now, straight classic Action, Horror, Explotation ect… Anyway I am going off on a daft tangent, you will notice I do this from time to time, and I apologise in advanced. ADHD problems 101…)
The directors of the movie, CripplerCriss and Master W (awesome names right?! They sound like an attitude area WWF tag team) formed their company ‘Psycho Productions’ in 1998 when they were just 16 years old, you can even check out their back catalogue of weird and wonderful little movies over on their youtube page…
Then in 2009 they released their first ever feature film, titled ‘The Secret Of The Magic Mushrooms’ (Original title ‘Das Geheimnis der Zauberpilze’) which was actually distributed by the legendary Lloyd Kaufman’s TROMA team and is still available HERE for just five stinking bucks!! (Well ‘Euros’ actually but ‘bucks’ just sounded better)
Right anyway… Ok… lets go…. let me attempt to review this bad boy CANNIBAL MESSIAH!!
The movie stars none other than both the Directors of the actual film, Master W & ‘good old’ Crippler Criss (my new best mate who sends me awesome DVD’s to review and stickers) seemingly playing themselves, chilling out, kicking back and smoking some of that notorious German wacky backy, when all of a sudden BANG a Shotgun wielding mercenary calling himself ‘The Pathfinder’ bursts into their apartment and accuses both directors of being responsible for the disappearance of his missing brother, who was last seen on set with the two directors after appearing in one of their previous movies.
Now i assume this is a nod to their movie ‘The Secret Of The Magic Mushrooms’ the previous feature from the Psycho Productions duo, but this is the first movie that I have personally seen from them, so that is just a guess, however don’t let this put you off, under no circumstances will you be watching this film worrying about intricate plot points and ties to prequels, there is plenty to keep you entertained and to keep you distracted from dumb shit like narrative and story lines.
So at gun point, against their will, Master W and Crippler Criss are taken hostage by The Pathfinder and lead deep into the thick and unforgiving forests of Germany to look for clues and hopefully find out what happened to Pathfinders missing brother.
What ensues is an absolute GORE FEST and I don’t use that word lightly, seriously… I was like 30 minuets in and seeing a guy graphically get his head crank drilled and his penis torn off.
Yeah… Its one of those kinda movies…
Basically everything goes FUBAR as the main three characters find themselves in the midst of a blood thirsty cannibal cult!
If you love horror comedy, you got it! If you love crazy cannibals and decaying skeletons with maggots in their eyes, you got it! If you love watching a dude get repeatedly raped and sodomised with a huge wooden pole…. well then you should probably seek some serious help… But this is comedy horror and exploitation after all, and although just a LITTLE BIT messed up, everything is still done with a touch of dark humour, also, with a company name like ‘Psycho Productions’ what do you really expect?!
The nods to Italian cannibal and zombie films are also relentlessly apparent and you can really see that throughout this project, both the cast and the crew were having an awesome time making the movie, throwing together whatever chump change they had in their pockets at the time to muster up just enough cash to throw in another fun gore effect. That in mind however the production quality is actually quite impressive! Everything looks and sounds great, the picture quality is crisp and it really does make this movie stand out over other low budget foreign films that I have viewed over the years.
The end scene of the movie (without giving away too many of them pesky spoilers) even leaves its self open to a possible sequel…. Threequel?! Who knows!? But personally, I would love to see more from this dynamic duo of directors, and I seriously believe that with a bit of funding these guys could really go the distance, they obviously understand shooting and editing, and even when the story line seems to drift off slightly, you can still see the heart and passion they have for movie making and to me that is the most important thing with any production, its gotta have heart, and this nasty little number is filled with it… Even if The Pathfinder is ripping it out and having it for ‘abendessen’ (according to google translate thats German for dinner)… Oops sorry more spoilers!!!
The film is completely shot with German dialogue, but multiple language subtitles are available for viewers in different countries, and although that may put some people off, to someone like myself who grew up watching Battle Royale and Takashi Miike subtitled Japanese movies this really doesn’t bother me, and nore should it you!
Overall I loved this movie, it was an awesome watch and I cannot wait to see what the two crude dudes bring out next!
I recently messaged Crippler Criss, and asked him what I could look forward to in the future from Psycho Productions, and he replied…
‘We’re currently working on our new movie ‘Nocta’, 11 days of shooting are already in the can. It’s a sick vampire/splatter/horror/trash/comedy movie’
So i think its safe to say I am defiantly looking forward to that one.
CANNIBAL MESSIAH is Available now from Psycho Productions, you can find out more info on where to purchase it and all of their back catalogue HERE
Words by Theo Cane Garvey